When her meal was delivered she requested horseradish. "Would you like fresh cut, or the creamy dill?" She chose fresh cut. When I bring it to her, she decides she also would like to have the creamy dill. Okay. I return with it, and whatdayaknow...she needs ranch. For what, I have no idea.
I check on the table, filling up teas and waters, two or three times and all seems well. Then I see her following me up the other isle and catches me in the back of the restaurant.
She whisper giggles, "I don't care for the prime rib. I think it's because it's the end cut."
Me, "I'll be happy to take it back and get you get a regular 8 oz cut with a fresh baked potato." (fake smile)
Her: "No!! I don't want the kitchen to know I don't like it."
Me: "No problem. I'll have my manager take of it for you."
Her: "NO! Oh please, don't tell anyone at all. I'll just pay for my baked potato and salad."
Me: "Ma'am, I can't take anything off the ticket without a manager because of how our system is set up."
Her: "Okay, just go tell the kitchen you need a new 8 oz prime rib and they'll just give it to you, then you bring it out to me!" Giggle, giggle.
Me: "Okay, sure. No problem."
She giggles and sneaks back to her table.
I instantly grab our FOH and tell her the whole exchange. After we both roll our eyes, she gets her new 8 oz prime rib and new potato...and yes, new fresh and creamy horseradish, and side of ranch.
When I bring the bill (all separate, of course), her total was $0.00. FOD comped the whole thing. I thought I'd be looking a great tip here....She thinks I kept her dumbass secret and now her bill is ZERO. And that's what she left me ZERO.